Friday, September 25, 2009

Que lastima POOPito!!!!!!!!

So...I am the girl who usually packs three poo bags per walk in my pocket or tucks them into my Ipod arm band, etc. Ralph gets hours of walks every day, usually 5 to 6 different walks. The night before he had gotten sick, eaten grass for a half hour. Puked grass. The usual. I went out to the deck the next day and discovered that in his hiccuping sickness, he had mistaken my onion plants (tiny green onions growing from seed) for grass. I'm sure that didn't sit well with his puppy stomach.

The next day, there was a huge grass poo. Two hours later he is pawing at the door again. This is his fourth walk and it's only 11am. Seriously. I am whipped by the puppala! So I take him out while I'm talking on the phone with my mom, thinking he just needs to go pee. I have NEVER left the house without poo bags. I am the person who always picks up the dog poo. I hate the people who don't. There is poop everywhere people! Be responsible for your dog or buy your own ranch so they can crap everything they want to. I buy special poo bags...rainbow colored ones, bright green, black, and the ever cute white bags with black paw prints on them from Cost Plus. I even made a dog poo bag dispenser to place by the door with an old plastic can that used to house tennis balls, a glue gun, some fabric, and of course, stick on velcro. I put the poo bags in the dispenser in alternating we never have the same colors on walks. Gotta keep the shit picking up exciting!

So, he paws at the door and we go for a pee walk. Except that he is pulling in the direction of a longer walk. I can't imagine that he is going to poop again because he took such a huge grassy poo at 9am, just two short hours before, and there is no way in beagle hell that he will have to poop again. I am about a mile away from my house and any source for poo bags. His butt hole starts to pulsate as it does when he is about to #2. I shriek into the phone at my mom "This cannot be happening!!!!!! I need to call you back!"

I hang up the phone as Ralphers takes a dump in the middle of a lawn. Not to the side, not by a bush, but on the middle of the grass. He then starts to walk into the street and tries to poop out the fourth shard of grass poo which isn't coming out. Normally, I bring all the poo bags in case I need to use one to PULL OUT THE POO FROM HIS BUTT. This only happens when he's gotten sick and eaten grass. So I'm looking around for a leaf. They are all dried and crackling in my hands. I finally find a leaf that is big enough and pliable enough to use to pull the grass poo out. I am feeling SO guilty that I don't have a bag. I place the poo leaf in a place where no person would step in it. I am thoroughly grossed out.

I look at my right hand. There is dog poo on my thumb. FUCK! I am the girl who is OCD about the hand sanitizer. I started to hyperventilate. It took me only about two hours, a ton of anti-bacterial hand soap, and two showers to calm down.

And later in the night.....I walked the dog the same route and picked up all the poops I had left behind. So people with dogs....pick up your shit. And remember to always bring poo bags.....

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