Friday, September 25, 2009

Que lastima POOPito!!!!!!!!

So...I am the girl who usually packs three poo bags per walk in my pocket or tucks them into my Ipod arm band, etc. Ralph gets hours of walks every day, usually 5 to 6 different walks. The night before he had gotten sick, eaten grass for a half hour. Puked grass. The usual. I went out to the deck the next day and discovered that in his hiccuping sickness, he had mistaken my onion plants (tiny green onions growing from seed) for grass. I'm sure that didn't sit well with his puppy stomach.

The next day, there was a huge grass poo. Two hours later he is pawing at the door again. This is his fourth walk and it's only 11am. Seriously. I am whipped by the puppala! So I take him out while I'm talking on the phone with my mom, thinking he just needs to go pee. I have NEVER left the house without poo bags. I am the person who always picks up the dog poo. I hate the people who don't. There is poop everywhere people! Be responsible for your dog or buy your own ranch so they can crap everything they want to. I buy special poo bags...rainbow colored ones, bright green, black, and the ever cute white bags with black paw prints on them from Cost Plus. I even made a dog poo bag dispenser to place by the door with an old plastic can that used to house tennis balls, a glue gun, some fabric, and of course, stick on velcro. I put the poo bags in the dispenser in alternating colors...so we never have the same colors on walks. Gotta keep the shit picking up exciting!

So, he paws at the door and we go for a pee walk. Except that he is pulling in the direction of a longer walk. I can't imagine that he is going to poop again because he took such a huge grassy poo at 9am, just two short hours before, and there is no way in beagle hell that he will have to poop again. I am about a mile away from my house and any source for poo bags. His butt hole starts to pulsate as it does when he is about to #2. I shriek into the phone at my mom "This cannot be happening!!!!!! I need to call you back!"

I hang up the phone as Ralphers takes a dump in the middle of a lawn. Not to the side, not by a bush, but on the middle of the grass. He then starts to walk into the street and tries to poop out the fourth shard of grass poo which isn't coming out. Normally, I bring all the poo bags in case I need to use one to PULL OUT THE POO FROM HIS BUTT. This only happens when he's gotten sick and eaten grass. So I'm looking around for a leaf. They are all dried and crackling in my hands. I finally find a leaf that is big enough and pliable enough to use to pull the grass poo out. I am feeling SO guilty that I don't have a bag. I place the poo leaf in a place where no person would step in it. I am thoroughly grossed out.

I look at my right hand. There is dog poo on my thumb. FUCK! I am the girl who is OCD about the hand sanitizer. I started to hyperventilate. It took me only about two hours, a ton of anti-bacterial hand soap, and two showers to calm down.

And later in the night.....I walked the dog the same route and picked up all the poops I had left behind. So people with dogs....pick up your shit. And remember to always bring poo bags.....

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Lady at the market...you need to calm the F down!

Normally I bag my own groceries. I know how monotonous it must be to be a checker and then have no support-bagging-staff so I like to chat and bag my own stuff. Tonight, my boyfriend and I went to the market....the cart was filled but not in an obscenely "we are obese" way. We have a bagger for one bag...then she disappears....so I hop in and start bagging. Eight bags later...the bagger reappears and kicks me out of my place. Then she starts yelling at my boyfriend to go get another shopping cart. I'm confused. I've had a few glasses of wine at this point in the evening and am wondering what is going on. I tell her "we don't need an extra cart." She yells "BUT YOU"RE GOING TO SQUISH YOUR GROCERIES!!!!!!" I say "really, it's okay, just put everything on top of the stuff that's already in there." She says "No. You need another cart."

I know, right???! So I start putting the bags in my ONE cart myself saying "It's really fine. Just put them in the cart. It's really okay, I promise." She refuses to put the groceries in and keeps repeating "It's all going to get squished!"

This woman is SHAKING her head at me and rolling her eyes and I think she is a crazy mf-ing person. Why isn't she listening to me? By the time I get to the car I realize that I am the bitch and that this woman probably has a ton of OCD issues just like me. Thank God and psychiatrists for Zoloft!!!!!!!!

Friday, September 18, 2009

Gin + Tonic + Blood Orange Soda = Fabulousness

I had never had a gin and tonic before last weekend when my boyfriend's dad introduced me to the wonderfulness that is Tanqueray. Get some diet tonic water and some blood orange soda from Cost Plus. AMAZING............

Ralph (the beagle) had a seizure today. Normally he has them when it's hot or he is stressed out. Today he had an uncharacteristically bad one. It was about 95 degrees. He came running out from the bedroom into the living room where I was sitting. He put his right paw up and then his whole body dropped to the ground and he convulsed. He peed on the floor which he has only done once before. I held him and told him what a good boy he was. I put an ice pack on his beagle back but it didn't seem to help. He came out of it about a half hour later. The actual seizure was much shorter but normally he will respond to food and water within a shorter amount of time. Not today. I placed water bowls all over the apartment to make sure he could get to at least one if he needed to rehydrate. He had drooled at least a cup of saliva onto my leg and the carpet after the seizure. I was afraid I'd have to get a saline drip into him. My poor boofer...

Saturday, September 5, 2009

Etsy Account

I just signed up for Etsy which is a website that helps you sell your handcrafted items. Visit my page at: http://www.etsy.com/shop/craftytaxattorney

I should have some items posted soon!

Friday, September 4, 2009

Woo Mill Valley Craft Fair!

I was accepted to be in the Mill Valley Craft Fair on December 5th, 2009! Wooooooo!!! Come out to see my scarves, scarves with mitten pockets (smittens!) and baby hats, baby blankets, and smocked dresses!